Thursday, March 13, 2014


2013 was a bless
Getting married on 22nd February when I turned 26
Moved to our own house on November (well this one was a bitter sweet, because a month after moving in our housing area was affected with the massive flood –one of the biggest flood in Kuantan-ever).
And the most blissful moment of all, having Muhammad Irfan Hadif in my arms :’) *insert motherly tears here*
My baby boy was born on 3rd December 2013, yes during the raining and flood season. 

My water broke on 2nd December at exactly 1 am. No pain and whatsoever felt at that time. Off we went to the hospital, ctg was done, contraction was 15 minutes apart. At that moment I don’t feel any pain. Well maybe a little pain when the nurse did the VE. And I silently pat myself saying that sheessh the contraction pain is not painful at all, why people call it contraction pain in the first place, and why many people make a big fuss out of it.

Never occurred to me that I was totally wrong.
Contraction pain was damn painful!

When the doctor came around 11 in the morning, she did the VE once again, and still no progress, 1 cm opening. She decided to induce with prostin since my water is still leaking. She said she will monitor the opening and if still no/slow progress she induce again cm. After that, I started to feel the pain, and it was getting more intense on the afternoon. So I thought it is painful but I can bear it *again patting myself saying that hoho never know that I am strong*. 

Wrong Ija, totally wrong! 
During Asar time was the time where the contraction getting more and more intense, VE was done again (sucks big time) and still 1 cm (sucks bigger time!). Ilman was out getting some foods and suddenly I started to shiver, I thought I might have a fever. The nurse came to check the temp, yup it was 38 degree C and she gave me antibiotic.

The next 12 hours was the longest hours in my life. The pain was now 5 minutes apart. Sakit sangat2. I could not sleep I could not eat. I tried to do the breathing technique but nothing works. I saw the clock ticking in front of me waiting for miracle to happen. My back hurts my head hurts everything is painful. I prayed to Allah to help me end this pain quickly.

The clock in front of me didn’t help at all. I (literally) count the second for morning to come. At 12 am I asked Ilman to call the nurse (just to whine at her about the pain). She did VE and congratulation it just progress to 2 cm. Freaking 2 cm! She offered me pethidine and I remembered Miya told me to not take it because it didn’t help at all. So I refused pethidine at that time, only to call her again at 4 am to give me the jab. I just need something to ease the pain I don’t care. She did VE again (suck biggest time) because if the opening is more than 4 cm pethidine cannot be given (cant remember why. Too painful to absorb the hell she saying). It is still 2 cm so she jab the thing on my butt, and warning me it will not ease the pain instead it will make me feel so sleepy so I can ignore the pain and sleep.

Well it did help.
For one hour.
The best sleep-in-pain of my life. One hour.

And then puff! The sleepiness just gone the pain is back controlling me. At 5 am I felt like going to the loo, but nothing happened in the toilet. Suddenly i remembered the nurse did mention if I feel like pushing (like when u do ur toilet business) don’t do it yet and call her immediately. So Ilman call the nurse and again, another finger-shove-into-my-thang time (lets call it VE back, better that way). It is already 5 cm dilated, she said its about time for labor. I was so nervous at that time, though there is no time to think about the anxiousness as the pain is overpowering it. I was pushed to the labor room where ctg is done once again while waiting for Dr Su to arrive. I keep whining to Ilman and the very kind nurse about the pain, so the nurse gently massages my back. It doesn’t make the pain go away but at least helped me relax a bit. When the dr came at 6 am she did (another) VE, and now it is 8cm dilated. 

Well here’s another bad news. My baby’s heart beat is not stable. It goes haywire, ups and downs. Fetal distress. And I still have fever. And I’ve been bearing the pain for more than 12 hours and my water broke for more than 30 hours already. Though only 8cm dilated, the dr asked me to push but its not working. Baby’s beat continue to go haywire. In the midst of pain and fatigue, I silently pray to Allah to save my baby. The dr insist that I go for emergency c-sect, worrying we might risk the baby’s life if we wait for my cervix to be fully dilated. So I signed the paper, they do their pre-op prep –insert cbd bag, iv line, etc. I literally surrender my body to them. All the pain of needle insertion and what not seems nothing compared to the contraction pain. 

It took them half and hour to get ready after I signed the paper. 10 minutes in the ot, still in pain, before the give me the juice from heaven –the epidural. So I lay there, half asleep, knew they did something to me there, but I didn’t feel any pain, and yes, too tired to bother. Then suddenly, dr su wake me up, saying that everything is fine now.

No its not dr. where is my baby? Mana baby saya? The dr said they have showed me once the baby was pulled out of me, and I opened my eyes and said ok. I replied no I did not! It must have been the drugged-sleepy-fatigue syahiza who replied to her. The dr said they have bring my son to the ward for cleanup and stuffs. So yeah I didn’t get to touch my baby and cry tearful joy after delivery, just like in the tv. So not cool!

I only got to see my baby a couple of hour after the op. and the moment I saw him, it was love at the first sight and I knew I gonna love him for the rest of my life. 

My baby boy, my son, my love, semoga membesar jadi anak soleh, qurratu ‘ain kepada mama dan ayah. We love u so much Muhammad Irfan Hadif bin Ilman Hadree. 
After clean up
day 3 -discharge home

3 months old