MAY THEY REST IN PEACE

Assalamualaikum.

One of my patient was dead over the weekend.

it sucks. not a good way to start a new week.

He had multiple problems and complications -ESRF, HPT, DM with micro/macrovascular complications, cancer, and CVA.  i planned an enteral regime for him with Nepro.

over the time i saw this pt, his children were always around. but this one son, probably 1 or 2 years younger than me, lets call him M, was the one who is always there most of the time.

in one of my follow up visit, his face was tight. the father keep on asking M to remove 'his shoes' because he felt numb. truth is there were no shoes. M told me that his dad has been requesting that since last night. and he keep on telling his father that there were no shoes. i cud sense that he is trying so hard to control his patience. the voice was slightly raised, but he keep on aswering to his father's request. i told M, his father might feel numb bcos of microvascular complications of DM, or probably bcos of the edema. and then he sighed. a long, tired, sad sigh. it was slow, but i cud hear him clearly. 'bawak byk2 bersabar'. i told him, slowly. he looked at me for several seconds, took a deep breath, turn to his father, look deeply at him, and slowly said 'abah tak pakai kasut. dari semalam lagi abah tak pakai kasut. takpe biar M picit ya' and then slowly he rubbed his father's feet. standing there, watching that very short father-son moment, i almost cried. i really cudnt stand situation like this. call me hati tisu. call me x professional. i dont care.

he was already in terminal care the last time i saw him on friday. the family members has gather around to recite Quran a few days back. he was pronounced dead on Saturday due to complications of esrf.

i reviewed this pt several times, and i am aware of his deteriorating condition. but i cudnt help myself from being emotionally drawn. it is not good, being attached to ur pt that way, i know...

Semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat dan ditempatkan di kalangan orang beriman.

Al-Fatihah.

Al-fatihah juga utk allahyarhamah Dr Lo' Lo'. Smg rohnya dicucuri rahmat dan ditempatkan di kalangan orang beriman.

p/s Kullu nafsin dza iqatul maut. Setiap yang bernafas itu pasti akan mati. Peringatan untuk saya dan kita semua.